tfw no g(em)f(usion)

[hardnosed]

Good morning, Futurology! My name is Leah, and today I'm bringing you guys a a 90s dub anime villain trapped in the body of a thundercat. Here's some footage of her dramatically sinking into the ocean in an attempt to intimidate two prepubescent children.



This is Jasper, from the cartoon Steven Universe. She's a beefy 5.5k year old rock alien who works for an evil rock empire, treats everybody around her like garbage, and respects nothing but strength and power, until that strength leads someone to actually beat her at which point she becomes the sorest loser in the world. She likes fighting, winning, being overdramatic, and long walks on the ocean floor. She hates earth, failure, weakness, deviations from her dystopian society's rigid social roles, and anything that challenges her extremely volatile sense of self-worth. I'm taking her from the episode Earthlings, when she's losing a fight to SPOILERS but before she SPOILERS, so she won't be happy to be here, but she wasn't going to be happy anyway. Fortunately, as long as she's got her brute strength and sparkling personality to fall back on, nobody else on Audentes will be either!

I'm very excited to be here, and you can contact me at shiteous or by PMing this journal, whichever.

Comments

[competing]

omg what a marvelous intro...

hi leah!! welcome to futuro. c: i'm lena, and i play olivia from fire emblem: awakening (winces) and lance here from voltron: legendary defender... who are both very human and very delicate pls don't hurt them 8( but also maybe do?? hello hi

[hardnosed]

i'm sorry lena..... but lance is definitely going to die
no hello! i'm only canon familiar with the one of your characters but i've seen olivia around while checking out the game in general, she's adorable and a delight and i preemptively apologize for everything jasper will say and do to either one of them

[competing]

but jasper... could you really kill this face.......




actually no don't answer that. but ah, thank you! i apologize in advance for whatever transpires between our characters, whether it be bootleg disney shoujo sparkles or a really, really bad attempt at flirting.

[hardnosed]

i'm very glad we have an understanding but just in case i made you this

[winces]

OH MY GOD

[heelies]

She likes fighting, winning, being overdramatic

They have much in common. Long walks on the ocean floor may not work out so well, but his mom is a sea nymph so that counts for something, right? ANYWAY, welcome to the game!! I'm Kath and I play the biggest drama queen of the Trojan War, Achilles.

[hardnosed]

Oh man, I am shocked and overjoyed someone plays from the Iliad! And with such an excellent choice in characters tbh, Achilles was my original raging fave in highschool and as such I can say with authority... this will be a disaster.

[heelies]

Achilles rules, Hector drools, etc.

I love disasters...and Achilles is fairly good at causing them, so let's see what happens!

[flashbanging]

jumps into your arms

[hardnosed]

delicately drops into the garbage

[flashbanging]

omfg r u d e

[hardnosed]

look........ i'm method acting and earth cooties are gross

[iomnic]

i just realized i cant comment to this comm with accounts that arent in game and i was very disappointed i couldnt scream YOU CLOD with my peridot account

ANYWAY WELCOME!! IM SURE JASPER WILL DEFINITELY MAKE FRIENDS.

[hardnosed]

i felt the impact in my heart regardless and now i'm openly weeping, thank u for both the welcome and the tears

and RIGHT? WHO WOULDN'T... WANT TO GET ON TOP OF THIS PARAGON OF COMPASSION AND RECOGNITION OF THE PERSONHOOD OF OTHERS...

[iomnic]

surely there are still some people around who will remember the tiny green gremlin and realize she was only the TIP OF THE ICEBERG ON GEMKIND FRIENDLINESS.

oh god i never said my name ANYWAY HI IM JEAN and ill be throwing either a skeleton or a robot at jasper at some point soon im sure

[heroforhobby]

cant get over the helmet

[hardnosed]

the helmet is incredible you philistine

[heroforhobby]

it looks like a helmet from a japanese game show. are you from a japanese game show

[hardnosed]

i mean

she's not not

[heroforhobby]

suddenly her rage issues make sense to him

[kikoku]

OH MY GOD LEAH I HAD NO IDEA THE JASPER IN THE QUEUE WAS YOU?????

ITS BEEN LIKE FOUR YEARS SINCE WE WERE IN A GAME TOGETHER I'm so excited. Welcome froend I'm glad you brought such a beautifully horrible character.

[hardnosed]

SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER and thank you caitie!! i'm looking forward to interacting jerk-on-jerk

[kikoku]

YES finally someone who deserves Law's rude comments. I hope she tries to punch him because Law's pirate magic makes actually hitting him straight on incredibly hard.

But then she just hits him in the back of the head next time she sees him because he honestly deserves to be punched.

[reverseengineer]

Jasper yes

HI I am Shana and I've got Pidge here from Voltron who is tiny and has far too much snark in her heart for her size please do not crush her. Welcome to the game! /adds you on plurk

[hardnosed]

Hello Shana! And also Pidge, I love that spunky little dork with all my heart even though Jasper inevitably will not, at all. Hopefully she can rig upa giant squirt bottle to keep her away or something.

[reverseengineer]

JASPER LIVES IN THE OCEAN NOW WOULD A SQUIRT BOTTLE EVEN HELP

Also sometimes I remember that Jasper and Allura have the same voice actor and I laugh so hard

[hardnosed]

FILL IT WITH TIME BUG ACID... PIDGE IS RESOURCEFUL IT'S FINE

and oh my god, right, idk how Kimberly Brooks does it without permanent throat damage but if ever there were two same va characters who needed to meet in a game it's them

[reverseengineer]

lmfao yeah gee jasper you sound just like allura if she'd been smoking her whole life

[predomination]

leah, you're a glorious person to behold. THAT SAID, I AM SO EXCITED WE'RE ACTUALLY IN A GAME TOGETHER AGAIN. What a glorious world this is.

and until/if Peridot gets accepted, you have, uh, this asshole, who will probably think she's delightful. because he's a jackass.

[hardnosed]

i can't believe how quickly we went from not apping these characters to apping these characters

also good because jasper is definitely going to feel the same way towards him! jk, she'll hate him and she'll hate his stupid hat.

[evantuality]

seal claps forever

I mean, Evan is a spindly nerd who would take one headbutt from Jasper and basically go down forever, but... I am just so happy we have a nasty-ass cheeto puff in the game here =u=

[hardnosed]

Thank you! c: As for myself, I am so happy to be here and bring everyone the gift of well-disguised violent self-loathing... Evan do you even lift...

[evantuality]

no

no he emphatically does not lift

unless you're talking textbooks. Or I guess after the last mission small alien babies.